Fear

Fear is a terrible thing. I know everyone has some sort of fear in their lives, but I'm fairly certain that I am afraid of more things than the average person. I tend to be a bit irrational when it comes to being afraid.

I am afraid first & foremost of sharks. The idea of sharks sends a bit of a shiver up my spine. I don't watch anything, including commercials with sharks. They terrify me, and this is where I get irrational, I'm also afraid of cruise ships because in part of my fear of sharks. I have this extremely hypothetical & extremely unlikely scenario in my head that if I were to ever be on a cruise ship it could sink, and maybe there wouldn't be enough life boats and I'd then be in the water surrounded by sharks. I know logically that if these things were to actually happen, then it's really just my time to go, but I figure if I avoid cruise ships altogether it lessens my chances.

I'm afraid of driving, therefore I do not drive. This is a fear that angers me. I am an intelligent, capable woman; so why am I afraid of doing something that most people do?

I'm also afraid of the dark. The blinds on my windows are closed at night, I don't go outside by myself, I'm absolutely a big baby about it all.

I don't do scary movies & don't even think about getting me to sit through a preview for one. I close my eyes, cover my ears & Jeff tells me when it's over. Yes, I know, very mature.

I'm afraid to trust most people now too, I'm afraid to let myself be vulnerable & make new friends. I've had too many people in my life let me down, more than my fair share if you ask me. So, now I have acquaintances & a very very few real friends. This is the fear that saddens me the most & has the biggest effect on me.

My mind is my biggest enemy when it comes to fear, as it is with everyone, but in the midst of being afraid I actually think, 'there's nothing to be afraid of, it's all in your head', then I continue to be afraid.

I hope I don't pass these things on to my daughter, it isn't fun to be so afraid of everything & know that you really have no reason to feel that way. If she has fear in her life I want it to be of real things, not silly hypothetical situations & things she can very easily accomplish if she slowed her mind down a bit.


"The key to change is to let go of fear" - Roseanne Cash

I hope it's not too late for actual change