Emotional Dam.....

I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm scared.

I'm really just fed up with people I love having to go through such hardships. I'm tired of it. I'm angry that people who don't deserve to go through things just keep getting slammed with bigger things. I'm scared that I could lose people I love. I'm so very sad that they have to deal with more.

Cancer. Everyone knows someone who has had it or who has a close family member affected by it. Everyone. That is so messed up. How is it still so rampant? I just want it to go away & leave my loved ones alone.

I try so hard to stay positive for the people around me who have their doubts & fears, I try but inside I'm so scared.  I'm scared I won't be able to be strong for the people who need me. I'm scared I'll crack in front of the people affected. I'm scared that treatment won't work & I just....I just can't deal with that....

I've been holding it all back but today the emotional dam is cracking & I don't know how much longer it'll hold up. I feel like crying won't solve anything here though & I don't know if I can stop myself once I start.

I'm so angry. I want to yell, swear, punch & throw things but that won't solve anything. My loved ones will still have Cancer & I can't do anything to help them. I hate that, I like to fix problems for people I love & there is absolutely nothing I can do for them.


And the emotional dam just busted wide open...I just cried so hard that no sound was even coming out...this shatters my heart & I'm no where near as strong as I'm pretending to be but I'll build a new dam. I'll keep a brave face & I'll fake positivity because it's what I do. It'll all be alright because in the end things always work out or some other bullshit I'll try to serve up later....