Freedom in a dye bottle

You may not have noticed but my hair is wild. I am currently sporting a pinkish red faux hawk. My father loves to tease me & call me Big Boy from the fast food chain, my mother is seemingly traumatized & I have a feeling my brother still thinks I'm a closet lesbian.

What's the deal with the crazy hair is what some may ask; Please, let me tell you.

My hair is a symbol of freedom for me. It's liberation from my biggest fear - social anxiety.

My social anxiety is largely based on the fact that I expect people to always be talking about me behind my back. I expect them all to be whispering about what a hateful bitch I am, how fat I am, how weird I am, how I don't think the same things they do, I don't believe in the same things most people do, I'm a weirdo. I just expect people to talk about me & never in a good way.

Naturally a pink faux hawk would be the best way to give people something to talk about if they so choose to.

The greatest thing I've discovered is that I'm really okay with it even if they are talking poorly about me. It isn't a reflection on who I am as a person, it's a reflection of who they are.

I'm tired of always worrying & being afraid. I'm tired of living in fear of judgment from other people. I'm tired of not living life because I may not be what other people expect or want me to be.

Letting go of fear is going to be my theme for 2015, I'm just starting a bit early. This ridiculous hair that even I think is a bit silly makes me smile. It's fun, it isn't hurting anyone else, it doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make me any less intelligent, capable or loving, it is just hair. I do not now, nor do I ever plan to again care what people think of my hair.  There so many bigger fish to fry in my life.


Besides...Katie likes it that she has a fun mom...