Wrecking ball to the soul.

Sometimes in life you have to learn to roll with the punches, even when the punches feel like a wrecking ball to your soul.

My Dad's sister has terminal cancer. We've all known since October when she was told she only had three months, thankfully she's already been with us twice as long as expected but the cancer has spread.

Although, I'm not her child she has always made me feel like I could be. She has always made me feel more than just loved, she has made me feel wanted, appreciated & seen.

I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with the inevitable. I don't know how to let her go & I just plainly don't want to.

Jeff & I went to visit her tonight, it was long overdue. We talked for a long time about so many different things - some happy, some sad, some real truths that I was unaware of.

Since finding out that she is terminal, I've learned more about her than I had ever imagined. I'm grateful for the chance to have these moments with her but I always imagined her being old & telling me these things, not now before she's even 70.

Knowing someone you love like a second mother is dying is hard to process. I can't begin to imagine the pain my cousins feel knowing that this rotten disease is going to take their mom from them.

She's my Dad's baby sister, she's my Mom's best friend, she is like a sister to all of my mother's sisters & she's the world to my Uncle. She is loved beyond measure.

I don't know how to deal with the aching I feel daily in my heart knowing that not only I but so many people I love are going to lose her & the heartache is going to be unbearable. It honestly already is & she's still with us.

Tonight, when we visited I asked her how she's dealing with it all & then I cried while telling her how very much I love her. She kept telling me how much she loves me & I assured her that I've always known without a doubt how much love she has for me. That's partly why this is so hard. She is epitome of love. That's irreplaceable.

I plan to visit her as often as possible, to surround her with love as much as I can. After all she has given me in life, she deserves to always know & feel how much I appreciate her & will always love her.

Family can be hard to deal with, family can hurt you worse than anyone else but if there is love, that needs to be the focus. Love your family, hug them, appreciate them, tell them how you feel. Nothing is guaranteed so forgive their shortcomings & above all else - hold on to love.