Sunday Rambling

I feel the need to write, but I don't have a topic or anything at all spinning around in my head, except that my fingers need to be clicking & clacking on the keyboard right now. I need to write.

It's Sunday morning. I'm home alone with Katie, this is a first. Jeff is gone to get training for his new job that starts a week from tomorrow. I'm, no, we're hoping that this job opens up doors for us. That it makes life easier for us. We both fully expect him to have to work harder & sacrifice a bit more, but for now that's how it has to be.

Yesterday, I worked my third Saturday. I'm working on Saturdays to help us out financially as well. I don't mind being there really, and it gives Katie some one on one Daddy time. I wish I could only work Saturdays from now on, but the days are ticking away until I'm back full time.

I sent Jeff a job posting in Fredericton last night. I want him to apply, I don't know why, but I feel like a change is needed. I feel like things in Moncton aren't going to get better, I don't know why I feel that but I really do. I feel like our life here is stagnant. Something needs to change.

I know we have a lot of responsibility now with being parents, but that doesn't mean life should be dull. I feel like it should be the very opposite. I don't want Katie to have a boring life, where she's afraid to try new things, or where she wants to stay in all the time doing nothing. I want to shake life up. Grab it by the horns, and just have fun.

I wish I could find the will power & mentally have it 'click' for us to get healthy. I am tired of being fat. I really am, but I just can't seem to get it to click. I want to be healthy, for me, for Jeff but most of all for Katie. I want her to be able to follow my lead. I want her to know that eating healthy & exercising is what we need to do for our bodies, but how will she ever believe me when I chow down on chips & chocolate & drink pop...oh..but it's diet...like that matters.

I want to be better than I am. I want to have a better job, a real job actually. I want to be better at saving money, any would be a good start. I want to stop being a potty mouth. I want to be healthy & active.

I'm so full of excuses for everything. It's sometimes exhausting being such a procrastinator. I'm the Queen of 'yeah, I'll do it in a minute'. I need to stop that, and just do whatever it is I'm 'postponing'.

I think the thing that bugs me the most is that I'm all talk, no action. I never follow through, ever. That's kind of depressing, but today it's going to get a bit better. I have company coming over this week. My apartment needs to be cleaned, and I'm going to go above & beyond today. This apartment will be shining when I'm done. Maybe tomorrow, I'll make another decision that I otherwise wouldn't. Baby steps.