New Experiences

It's been over a week that I've been very seriously looking for a job & so far...nothing...I've had a lead or two, sent off my resume to a few places, but I haven't heard back from anyone yet. I feel sad today.  I just feel sad. Looking for work does that to me...it makes me feel less than...I don't know why I take it so personally, but I do.

I've been doing a fairly good job of staying positive but today I'm all off kilter. I feel antsy & out of sorts today, the way a teenager does before writing a final exam, thinking I'm doing my best but still so unsure. The outcome yet to be determined. I hate it. My mind is going a million miles a minute & it's paralyzing. What if...what if...what if...Anxiety Girl!!! Able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound!!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!

I've been thinking that I need to learn how to meditate. My mind would probably benefit from it a lot. I'm very hyper, y'know in case you hadn't noticed., and I'd like to relax my mind. I'm easily stressed out, I'm high strung, & loud....I'd like to find some peace in my own head. I'm not exactly sure where to begin though.

I know I need exercise too, but I'm finding it absolutely impossible to convince myself to exercise. I'm in a bit of a catch 22 - I haven't been doing it because I rarely feel well, but I rarely feel well because I don't do it. I'm not sure what it's going to take to get me started but I need to get there. I want to get there...I'm excited about getting healthy, I just wish all of my body would agree.

Something I'm only just realizing is that I'm not only needing to get back to work, I want to get back to work. I'm excited to make new friendships, to meet new people, to learn new things! I am SO excited to learn new things!! My mind is eager for more than ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle & 'Hola, soy Dora'! I'm abundantly grateful for the time I've had home & ideally I'd like to find a way for it to continue part-time but I'm just so eager to have some new experiences.

I'm opening myself up to you, Universe. I've made it clear what I want, I have faith that things will work out the way they should.

Music

I, like most people, am a lover of music. I don't really have a single genre of music that makes me feel the most at ease or happy, I love different things for different moods.

I love to dance, so pop music with a great beat & catchy repetitive easy lyrics appeal to me. So many pop songs have a great memory attached to them for me, whether the songs are great or not is definitely up for debate however. I'm not someone who would ever argue that pop music is an art form by any means. I just like how much it makes me want to move & for me that's what it is good for. I think it's unfortunate though, in this day & age, anyone who can sing slightly in tune & has a pretty face can become a pop singer with finely tuned background tracks & digital effects.

I, also, will own up to loving country music. Not so much any newer artists, but 90's country has a place in my heart forever. I love me some Garth Brooks!! Be still my heart! I know, I know...I should be hanging my head in shame for that statement, but I can't help it. Garth Brooks is my favourite singer and he has been since I was 14. I grew up loving all things 90's country, because of my adoration of Garth, so I have a lot of memories tied to it. Right or wrong, it is what it is.

My real joy in music is finding a new to me artist who isn't widely popular. I'm a real sucker for the singer/songwriter types. I love Shawn Mullins, Amos Lee, Serena Ryder and now Ray LaMontagne. People the average person may not be listening to. I love hearing a great singer tell a story in the form of a song. It brings me pure unadulterated joy. One of my favourite songs is by Shawn Mullins, "Twin Rocks, Oregon", when I hear it I more often than not close my eyes & sing along off key at the top of my lungs. It brings me a sense of happy that cannot even be explained.

I don't know how I'd get through my life without music. It has helped me to get through so many things. As someone who loves to write, I usually have to have music playing while I do so. The silence is daunting & non-inspiring, whereas music opens my heart & soul, it allows the words to flow, the feelings to come to the surface & the reality of my emotions to be expressed.

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach