More than Enough

She dances around me all day long. Her soft brown locks joyfully bouncing with her every move. She amazes me.  I, often, sit and watch her. Observe her playful ways.  The expressions she makes when her favourite character of the moment does something silly or scary. The slight eye covering when she's a bit fearful of what is coming next. She is mine for sure.  She is his for sure, as well.  Such an amazing little combination of character traits and flaws too.

She counts to twelve regularly now, she once counted backwards from 5, and finished it with an exuberant 'BLASTOFF!'. She teaches me how to be silly again.  I run around my home pretending to be someone who enjoys running,  just to hear her squeals of delight, her little happy shrieks & 'MAMA! waiiit!'. She knows her colours, but more often than not will confuse pink & purple. My little love bug.

She has such a soft, kind heart. I worry for her. I used to be like that.  If we cough, she needs to know we're ok, no matter what room we're in. If she knows someone is sad, sick or has just a simple headache, she will mention it more times than you can ever count. She mentions it with pure concern though, and I worry about her.

She really is such a wonderful little ray of sunshine. Grammy sings her that song, along with many others. She loves it, she loves her. It is such an amazing gift to be able to watch my mother & daughter embrace like they do. Grammy crouches down, Katie runs for her, they connect, my heart swells. Every single time. She loves her Poppy too. Oh, so much!  She loves to take him by the hand & drag him around to show him things. Silly Poppy!!  It's just such a gift, there is no other word.

If I had nothing else to be thankful for in my life, she would be enough.  She is always more than enough & I plan to make sure she always knows that.  Our gift from the Universe, so smart, sweet & beautiful.  Always, sweet Katherine, you will be more than enough.

Home

I haven't been feeling so hot the last two weeks.  My back was really bad for a little over a week, the move was stressful, I've been taking my pills at different times every day, I'm beyond exhausted all of the time.  Tomorrow I'm going to call the day clinic to get an appointment to get a refill on my pills & hopefully get some blood work done.  I think my B12 is probably just low, but we'll see, could just be all the stress of the last month finally catching up with me.

I like being home.  It feels right.  Although, I do forget almost on a daily basis that we aren't in Moncton anymore.  It's weird. I forget that we can't just run to Champlain Place on a whim because we're bored or that Second Cup is no longer an option for yummy lattes.  Those are the things I miss the most so far.  I made very few real friends in Moncton, I made a lot of acquaintances, and met a lot of great people. Very few real friends though.  So, I'm hoping Miramichi will be a way for me to get back to being the girl with friends who loves to have fun & do stuff.  Except now, I'm also a mother & wife.  I'm fairly certain that I'm a much improved version of the Paula who left Miramichi 8 years ago.

I feel more confident in who I am.  I have learned a lot about myself in the last 8 years.  The person I let myself become, the faults I had, the mistakes I made, some bigger than others, but each a lesson.  I, also,have learned how damn strong I am.  I have learned to be a great mother.  I have learned to be a better wife. I have learned to be a better & more free me.

I am perfectly fine with the person that I am.  I know the person I can become though, and that is who I am striving to become.

I am more shocked than I care to admit to make the next statement, but I truly believe Miramichi holds our chance at a great life.

Life is good.  I'm grateful. I'm so so lucky.  Life is good.

Music

I, like most people, am a lover of music. I don't really have a single genre of music that makes me feel the most at ease or happy, I love different things for different moods.

I love to dance, so pop music with a great beat & catchy repetitive easy lyrics appeal to me. So many pop songs have a great memory attached to them for me, whether the songs are great or not is definitely up for debate however. I'm not someone who would ever argue that pop music is an art form by any means. I just like how much it makes me want to move & for me that's what it is good for. I think it's unfortunate though, in this day & age, anyone who can sing slightly in tune & has a pretty face can become a pop singer with finely tuned background tracks & digital effects.

I, also, will own up to loving country music. Not so much any newer artists, but 90's country has a place in my heart forever. I love me some Garth Brooks!! Be still my heart! I know, I know...I should be hanging my head in shame for that statement, but I can't help it. Garth Brooks is my favourite singer and he has been since I was 14. I grew up loving all things 90's country, because of my adoration of Garth, so I have a lot of memories tied to it. Right or wrong, it is what it is.

My real joy in music is finding a new to me artist who isn't widely popular. I'm a real sucker for the singer/songwriter types. I love Shawn Mullins, Amos Lee, Serena Ryder and now Ray LaMontagne. People the average person may not be listening to. I love hearing a great singer tell a story in the form of a song. It brings me pure unadulterated joy. One of my favourite songs is by Shawn Mullins, "Twin Rocks, Oregon", when I hear it I more often than not close my eyes & sing along off key at the top of my lungs. It brings me a sense of happy that cannot even be explained.

I don't know how I'd get through my life without music. It has helped me to get through so many things. As someone who loves to write, I usually have to have music playing while I do so. The silence is daunting & non-inspiring, whereas music opens my heart & soul, it allows the words to flow, the feelings to come to the surface & the reality of my emotions to be expressed.

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach