One year bucket list.

Lately, I'm realizing that my body is much more capable than I originally thought.  With that in mind I've made a bucket list of things that I want to do in the next year. September 16, 2014 I will have done the next ten things.

1. Run a 5k
2. Get my license
3. Successfully return to work
4. Lose 70lbs.
5. Eat in a restaurant with my family
6. Go swimming after 10 yrs
7. Ride a bike after 20 yrs
8. Workout in a real gym
9. Go out dancing
10. Be confident & happy

I can feel a shift bubbling under the surface for me.

I can see myself getting better. My anxiety won't run my life forever. I'm going to get the help I need & I will get better.

Also, I ran this week. For the first time since being forced in school, I ran voluntarily, of my own accord. It still blows my mind. Who the heck do I think I am making this body run? Hot damn it hurts but feels absolutely exhilarating! I will readily admit that when I was at my fattest, I would refer to runners as 'crazy bastard runners'. I thought it was insane to want to run...ugh! Why would you even want to? Now, I want to! I want the chance to prove to Katie that you can never give up on yourself. Even when things look & feel grim, you can do anything!

We watched 'The Little Engine that could' yesterday & it's such a simple message. If you think you can, you will - if you think you can't, you won't. Well, I really feel like I can do this. That surprises me.

One year. Let's go! I think I can...

Kiss my...

I was told today essentially that my wallowing in self-pity & not bettering my chances at a good career through a  university education are the reason things aren't exactly as I want them on life.

It really pissed me off & hurt me.

I have always realized that my life is as it is because of the decisions I've made in life.

Sometimes, though you make decisions that suck for the short term but the long term benefits are what matter.

Miramichi is a prime example of that. Right now, it sucks hard core! Long term, life will be good. So, my complaining about not finding a job wouldn't be resolved by moving to another town to find work, as suggested.

I removed this person from my Facebook after an argument that also was very much differing points of views but I felt it got personal. I then received an inbox message where she ranted on about my life decisions holding me back. I had a lengthy reply typed up, I was about to hit send when I realized it was pointless. I deleted my reply & let this person know that what they think of me doesn't matter & they could kiss my ever shrinking ass. Send.

I have never had a time when I really didn't care what another person thought of me. I wouldn't want anyone to stay mad at me, so I generally apologize immediately. Today, it's different. I'm me. Take it or leave it. I whine, bitch & moan but I also thank the Universe daily for the gifts I have. I know who I am better than anyone else & I'm ok with her.