BNI

Rarely do I pat myself on the back. I'm not one to brag or promote myself at all, but hot damn I'm good at my job. I can do more things than any other regular agent in there, I'm trained in a multitude of tasks that most others can't do, and I'm proud of myself.

I, actually, really enjoy my job most days. I love that I have responsibilities beyond that of a Customer Care agent. I love that my boss came to me yesterday because she needs help in another branch of our department & asked me to help them out. I love that she knows that I'm capable of these things. I've only been back about 6 weeks & already I'm back fully in the swing of things from when I left.

I feel good about my job lately. I feel like I'm actually good at something other than being a Mom. My new (post-maternity leave) boss really seems to recognize people's strong points more. I appreciate that about her.

I get to laugh every day with a wide variety of people. We have people from early 20's to mid 60's and we manage to laugh together. It's fantastic.

I'm ok right now with my job. This makes me happy.

Worthless

I've been really down the last few days. I've tried to ignore it but the sadness is bigger & stronger than I am.

My head feels very tired. So many things spinning around. I'm trying really hard to decipher what's real from what is just my depression taking over. The line between the two is very slight & that sometimes makes it harder to think clearly.

I am so grateful for Katie, she's really the only reason I get up every day. She's the reason I haven't randomly quit my job, she's the reason I'm still alive. I, literally, owe my life to her.

I'm sitting in the lunchroom at work before my shift starts & it is taking everything in my power not to go into the bathroom & cry my face off. The sadness is gripping my every breathe, thought & movement, today. It's hard to function like this.

It's embarrassing to say this & really mean it but I feel worthless. I feel like no one likes me & why would they? I'm a bitch. Plain & simple.

My internal dialogue is extremely mean & degrading. I wish I could shut it up. I wish I felt worthy of anything good. I wish I wasn't me.

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