So far

So far, I've lost 73lbs on my good days but at least 70lbs on my bad days. That is more than 2 times what Katie weighs. Insane!

I spent the last 30 days prior to today doing a 30 day squat challenge. I started at 50 squats, yesterday on day 30, I did 250 of them. I truly thought when I started, that it would be the exact same as everything else I've ever started - it would end with me quitting. I forgot one very important thing though; I'm not the same person, I had always been.

I had a chest cold for the last 11 days of my challenge. I almost quit when I had to do 190 squats for the day & just physically couldn't do them because I couldn't breathe & had a fever of 100.2,  I was devastated. It was day 23 & I knew that I couldn't give up. So, I rested that day & the next day when I was scheduled to rest, I did 190 squats.  They were done slow & steady, only 10-20 at a time, but they got done.
Quitting wasn't an option, I had to prove to myself that I could do it. I've more than proven it to myself. Now, I'm trying to figure out what my next challenge will be.

It's amazing what happens when you trust yourself & your body. When you start to get out of your own head & you tune out the I can't. You realize eventually that you, in all your imperfection, can do it. Your body wants to move, stretch & be strengthened.  It hurts a lot, in ways I didn't know I could hurt, but I hurt every day anyhow so why not let it be a good hurt? Seriously, as a morbidly obese(no point in sugar coating it) woman, my body was my enemy.  My back ached, my knees, ankles & feet would hurt randomly. So, what's wrong with some muscles that ache when I stand up because I did a ridiculous amount of good for my body? I see things so differently now. I see my body as being capable & strong. I can, have & will continue to use it better.

This picture is my before October 6, 2012 & after May 14, 2013. 73lbs gone. I'm wearing the exact same clothes, the pants now fall off when tied...

My Mom

She was the first storyteller I ever knew. She was the first person to tell me I could be & do anything. She taught me how to sing songs & love books. Later, she scolded me for not applying myself, for making poor decisions when it came to some friends. She taught me the rush of a great bargain, she taught me that caring about others matters & that women can be strong.

She has had a rollercoaster of a year & a bit.

She is the unwavering proof that mothering doesn't stop when they leave the nest.

She makes me want to scream & pull my hair out. She, also, makes me want to hug & protect her.

She is my rock when everything else is crumbling. She may not say what I want to hear, but she's always honest. There's no sugar coating to make me feel better. There's truth, an ear to rant or cry to & she's always there.

She gives until she has nothing left to give. She worries. Oh my, does she worry, but she is usually bang on. Despite all my attempts to hippie dippy things up with my positive thoughts, she's usually right.

I love her for who she is, as she is. Qualities & flaws, both of which I have many.

She brought me into this world...and from what I was always told....she can take me out...

Mom, I love you.

You are stronger in my eyes than you'll ever see yourself. You are the center of our family & I'm so glad that you're my Mom.

Happy Mother's day.