2012

2012.

What a year. Wow.

I can say with all certainty that one year ago, I had absolutely no idea how different my life could be. I had no idea that I was about to have the absolute hardest,literally mind-fucking year. I also had no idea how strong I could be. I didn't realize how lucky I was. I didn't see the real value in living close to my family. So much has changed. I have changed.

I started 2012 very broken. Major depression & agoraphobia with anxiety were taking over. There was no happy. I hated my job. I worked 4-12, I saw Katie only in the morning before she went to daycare most days. I felt like I was smothering. Then we got the most amazing news.

He got the job. The job I prayed to the Universe for. The job I knew was his & I knew I needed to go home. I needed my family. They saved me. We all did it together.

It wasn't easy. I had a long haul until I felt human again. I have never felt so much love from my Mom as I have in the 8 months since being home. It wasn't that she wasn't always giving it, I was finally ready to accept it. I got it...I understand her in a way I never have. 
I've been fighting anxiety hard for just over a year, I'm a lot better now than this time last year. I'm so thankful for that. I'm not sure I'll ever be without it, but I'm getting better at coping with it.

Katie has been the most amazing reason to be happy. She has come alive since we moved home. Having her Grammy & Poppy nearby...there is nothing better. She is so full of love, so full of curiosity. She's my mile-a-minute talker, who is quite often very well understood. Loves to sing & dance. She's stubborn as a mule though, she gets that from her father.

Life has been very abstract & much like tiedye. All over the place, sort of ugly to look at but kind of appealing too.

2012. I'm ok with you. Thanks for the lessons.